I woke up to my mom bitching at me again. She yelled at me, told me to get a full time job, quit school and move out. Guess what...maybe I will. I want to stop asking her if I can do things and I'm tired of hiding my life. I've been turning in applications to every single goddamn retail store. She wants me to quit school..I will. I'm going to get an apartment in Santa Barbara with my friends as planned. I can do whatever the fuck I want whenever I want. I'M 19 TURNING 20 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. My dream is to cut ties with her altogether. I want to end the relationship we never had. I'm a cold hearted bitch..and what!?. She doesn't give a shit about my brother Marc and I. We've always been her burden and she's always LOVED LOVED LOVED my brother Matt and Margarette.

I'm so pissed I can punch the wall. I'm gonna start packing my shit so when I can find a job, that day I'm gone. Not once has she ever given me anything, it's always been my dad. My dad has showed that he loves me more than anything in the entire world. She's always been criticizing me and telling me to move out. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you mom. Everything I only ever did in my life was to make you happy. I'm sorry I'm such a failure. I'm sorry I'm not skinny. I'm sorry I'm not as beautiful as my sister is. Maybe it's better for you this way. It's better If you pretend you never had me. i'M SORRY I DUMPED EVERY BOYFRIEND I EVER HAD BECAUSE ALL THEY WANTED FROM ME WAS SEX. I'm sorry that you think I'm a tramp, when in reality I don't know anything about relationships and love. thanks mom, thanks.